Moms Talk: The Birds & The Bees

Question: When is the right time to talk sex with your children?

As parents, our goal (in a nutshell) is for our children to grow and mature in a healthy and loving environment.

It will help them cultivate a sense of self to prepare them for the world and be grand contributors to society.

And naturally growing up comes with forks in the road that are not under our control as parents. We are sometimes just meant to be there to guide our children to make wise decisions.

One of the most difficult topics of discussion is that of S. E. X.

That's right. The birds and the bees. The facts of life. Whatever you call it, it's not clear when is too soon (or too late) to talk about it. How does one go about broaching the sensitive and sometimes embarrassing subject of sex?

Here's our answer: there is no right or wrong answer. The "when" is really a matter of knowing your child, their peers and  the school curriculum. Do we really want sex ed to be a subject they only giggle about in middle school while never having felt that open line of communication with you first? This has been a heated debate for quite some time. Whose responsibility is it?

It is our responsibility as parents to intuitively know when is the right time for each child. It could be that their curiosity is peaked at a very young age when they come to the realization that babies do not come from storks. I remember my first "talk" about the birds and the bees when my son was about six or seven. We were visiting the Puyallup Fair, and in the livestock section there were fairly graphic photos of a cow giving birth to a calf.

It took me a moment before I noticed the look of abhorrence on my young son's face.

"That's icky! What is that?" he asked.

And that was the first time we talked about how babies do not come from a stork, or as my children believed from a mama's belly button. As  I carefully chose my words for him to best understand, I saw the gears turning in his mind. For then, the subject was dropped. The big questions were for another day.

Through the years, I have tried to keep an open line of communication with my kids. No question is stupid, no subject off limits. And regardless of how uncomfortable it is talking about changes you encounter during puberty, I think it's safe to say most physicians would recommend talking about them before they happen so that these are not alarming or scary. Rather, they are a part of life, something that they are emotionally prepared for. A support group has been established if need be and you are there for an educated and honest response to their inquiries.

I will tell you, as a mother, you're never truly prepared for your little babies to have to concern themselves with such adult things. You know it's going to happen and yet, there it is, it happens so fast. Years fly by in a flash. Not so long ago I found a folded piece of paper laying around the house. In no attempt to snoop, just to see the importance of the paper while cleaning and not wanting to throw away an unmarked piece of paper away that was something someone in the house needed, I read it.

I will spare you exact details but one of my children's "boy/girl friend" was mentioning how they were still a virgin but didn't want to be. Implying that they would like to change that ... Needless to say I was shocked and immediately began to think of what to say to my child and hear their thoughts on the subject. To my relief, they have yet to kiss someone in an intimate way, let alone consider a decision so big as virginity.

But really for me the key was that ability to talk with my child and them feeling comfortable enough to talk to me. And honesty. Honesty will earn your child's respect and help in building a unified foundation.

Any further advice my fellow mothers (and fathers)?