Moms Talk: Schoolyard Fistfights. Are They Ever Called For?

Violence comes with a certain stigma for most people.

It's bad to hurt people, immoral, irresponsible even. We've spoken in the past here on Patch on a community's role in bullying when it is witnessed, helping our kids both cope with being a victim and finding creative ways to express anger rather than bullying.

This last week my son, 12 years old in middle school, got in his first real fight.

Now, let me begin by saying that I, in no way, condone fighting when unnecassary. I do, however, believe in protecting yourself and standing up for others (without the use of violence in most cases).

As my son began the story with, "Mom, I got in a fight at school today," I first noticed the lack of bruising or sign of the event. My first assumption from this was it must not have been that serious. Then he goes on to tell me of the bully involved. I trust this to be true as his older sister backed up his claims that said bully walks through the halls punching people in the arm and pushing them (we all know how often siblings disagree).

On this occasion, apparently the "bully" (as he shall remain anonymous) initiated the fight by coming up to my son and yanking his leg in a rough manner. My son as a reaction hit him in the jaw and proceeded to immediately apologize, it was simply reaction, he was sorry.

The bully was unmoved by his apology, there was an exchange of words and the bully went in for the kill. Miraculously my son managed to block the punch to his face and hit the other boy, smack dab, in the nose causing quite the nosebleed (I say miraculously due to the size of my son as he is tall but quite the slender gentlemen). Again apologizing but feeling a sense of triumph over a boy that obviously pleases himself by putting the fear of his fists into the hallways.

Now, I'm not going to lie, I am damn proud of him. He protected himself and didn't allow for himself to be made a victim. He also managed to gain respect from his peers and the bully. He didn't attack someone and, after the hit that obviously hurt the other kid, apologized. Oddly enough, as boys will be boys, they began to chat as though nothing happened while the other boy retrieved tissue for his nose, saying "Oh man, that one hurt".

Isn't that what being a boy is all about?

No school officials were involved due to a lack of adults witnessing the interaction and neither boy reporting it.

So here's my question: Is it wrong to feel a sense of pride in your child for fighting for the "right" reasons? Is there a right reason? And whose responsible to make sure actions to rectify the behavior is taken - parents or school officials? (That is almost a different discussion entirely)